Nurture or Balance

 

Caesar's Head SC October 2010

Chrissy has had three of her daughters in this weekend, two out-of-state and one who lives nearby.  One came in Friday afternoon and stays until Monday morning!  Saturday all three daughters were with Chrissy and she loves having her children around her.    I wondered throughout the day if her daughters would have an increased awareness or even an acknowledged glimpse of recent decline in her demented mind.   As caregivers know, someone with dementia, Alzheimer’s type has a mysterious manner of lucidity with those whom they don’t see regularly.   I still cannot get past that happening – it is just mind-bending to me. 

I wondered how she would manage all the noise and commotion and with her routine being off.  I can see her sitting at the kitchen table eating cheesecake – or on the sofa smiling and laughing as she agrees with each one – or quite and watchful.  Again, she loves having family around.   

Seizing the opportunity, yesterday was an enjoyable day:  I met with friends, went to the coffee shop to write, worked with my plants some, and later that evening my sweet man and I went out to eat!  Today I went to church and am now anticipating a relaxed afternoon at home.  I have had two consecutive, unplanned, carefree, days!  Up until a year or so ago, I would be so disturbed that family would just pop in,  so thoughtless and insensitive not to even consider I might appreciate  time to arrange  plans away with friends or my sweet man.  An advance notice in which to cancel Chrissy’s afternoon helper, as she is paid the same when there is no or little notice, and understandingly so.    Anyway, even with all the above, I now simply do not care – just so a visit occurs and I have time away, planned or unplanned.  Interesting how time changes circumstances.

Recently several of us have discussed the important need for “balance,” in a caregiver’s life;   which just let me say, it seems to be an elusive and relentless desire that I am unable to grasp.  However, a thought comes to mind as I write:  at my office, I keep an ongoing list of projects or tasks I’d like to complete for work whenever I have free time there.  So, having a prepared list of nurturing things to do whenever I have unexpected free time away from Chrissy makes perfect sense.  For me, the word, “nurture,” seems to be a more attainable place than that of “balance.”  I’ll have to think more on this, but for now, this post ends, as I want to begin my “nurture list!”

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Millie Ray on November 24, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    I am remembering how my Dad would act so “with it” when my siblings from out of state would vis it. It was frustrating to me, because they tended to think that I was making a mountain out of a molehill, when I would tell them of the problems I was encountering with him. You are experiencing the same thing with your Mother, and your siblings, and I emphasize with you. It’s a hard task, but you will not regret doing this.

    Reply

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